The F.A.Q. (Frequently Admired Questions)

This subverts the standard "Help" section. Place this near the bottom of the Home page or on the Contact page.

Q: Is he single?

A: He is not single. He is singular. To classify him as "available" implies he can be obtained. He cannot. He can only be experienced.

Q: Can I hire him for my event?

A: No. But you can invite him. If the vibe is correct, he may appear. If he does, please ensure your insurance covers "mass hysteria."

Q: What is his workout routine?

A: He doesn't lift weights; he pushes the Earth down. He also carries the weight of being this photogenic, which burns 4,000 calories an hour.

Q: Is this AI?

A: "Artificial Intelligence" is just a computer trying to mimic 1% of his actual brain power.

OFFICIAL SAFETY PROTOCOLS

Please adhere to these guidelines for your own protection.

1. Eye Contact Limit: Do not maintain direct eye contact for longer than 3.5 seconds. Prolonged exposure has been known to cause dizziness, memory loss, and immediate rethinking of your current relationship.

2. No Flash Photography: It is unnecessary. He naturally emits a glow that illuminates the surrounding area. Adding flash simply confuses the sun.

3. Social Distancing: Please maintain a distance of 6 feet. Not for viruses, but because his charisma field is radioactive at close range.

4. Offerings: If you approach him with a drink, ensure it is chilled. If you approach him with a phone number, ensure it is active.